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Testimonials and Letters

Can you help me with my human turd problem? My brother cannot stop shitting! PLEASE WE NEED UR HELP!!
- A reader, Australia 4800 mah Streak . games, craps, roulette

Dear Reader from Australia:

Hello and thank you for contacting Professional Bird Shit Removal Services! We are sorry to hear that your brother Jake will not stop shitting. Clearly, you may be in need of professional shit removal services! At this time, Professional Bird Shit Removal Services specializes in pigeons, parrots, and other winged creatures. However, in the future, we hope to be able to assist you with your brother's explosive diarrhea issues.

Until then, we recommend the following tips to ensure a shit-free home environment:

1. Avoid too many bean burritos.
2. Retrain the offensive shitting habits by placing the turd on your brother's favorite pillow.

We hope you can successfully resolve your turd dilemma.